United Kingdom · 3789 Days · 29 Moments · September 2007

Myself, My Moments


29 January 2018

I just watched a recording of Shiloh Sophia who is one of my teachers! I am creating a painting called The Dysmorphic Dude! She, like other paintings in the Intentional Creativity mode, emerges from the energy and intention of the painter and her internal critic or muse, depending on the moment! I sense how this approach could work with Mute, Autistic or Exiled individuals of all ages, as in my experiences over the last year, has been one of grief, growth and gratitude for my willingness to listen to the prompts of my own soul and follow them! “ It is an awful thing to be betrayed by your body. And it is lonely, because you cannot talk about it. You think it’s something between you and your body. You feel it is a battle you will never win.. you fight it day after day and it wears you down. David Levishan - Goodreads I chose to find a route out of my despair! I explored many somatic experiences and gradually moved from beyond to inside my body! This grounding helped me reconsider afresh

17 January 2018

“Walking the tight-rope between “twilight zones “- numerous by cultural, ancestral and cognitive factors!” “She resides at the “Borderlands “ between two countries and 3 counties.” “Listening to the soul prompts of her Essence, which is nomadic by design “ Sue Bayley Meet Cosmos my Red Thread Angel. Unknown consciously until today, she has silently over-arched my life since February 2017 when I went on a voyage of recovery to find my Creative Self! She had given me glimpses of her capabilities, yet my Critical Cat has crumbled her efforts to vocalise her will. Now a brave Black Panther has made himself known, and as an ally and soul buddy, he protects me from the Cat’s claws. When I reflect on these words, I can see aspects of known humans in these words; and really get how ancestors and estranged relatives can care for me from beyond the veils! May my essence send electric signals across the ether, and may it be carried on the Breath of All That Is. May the Blessings Be!

5 January 2018

As I observe my mind in making memories, some are easier to recall than others! This one occurred on a road trip across from Inverness to Applecross, from where Skye can be seen on the horizon! My desire was to deepen my connection to the land, so I placed my feet in the icy sea of October and “willed my cells to prepare the way” for a later visit! My heritage is “mixed” and the Cullins, the rocky slopes and lochs call to my soul, as does Orkney. One winter’s morn I travelled to Maeshowe where there is a “chambered burial tomb”. My fear prevented me from entering the narrow entrance, not true for my beloved; I have a photo as proof! Another symbol that speaks to me is the “Triskele”, and although other authors speak of movement, flow, symmetry and energy, meaning for me comes from its history, shape, and beauty. The Isle of Man, uses the motif in its flag: Symbols are the Triskeles — three legs, and local birds; the falcon and the raven — Birds who have “sky vision” for you.

2 January 2018

“ The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares”. Henri J.M. Nouwen. Grief like rock forms in layers! Birth trauma, hospitalisation, Childhood separation from significant others, teenage muddles, and adult betrayals can all leave their mark! Reflection on previous strategies to cope with complex loss cannot prepare you for fresh tragedy! Each event has its own colour, texture and somatic resonance! And you as a living breathing human being are changed moment by moment, so fresh footprints are being placed in the soil of experience! As the deceased person takes their final chapter towards a dis-Embodied state, their change in health plays out in relationships with their loved ones. Both parties have to witness, acknowledge and accept the unfolding truth: a tough ask!

26 December 2017

Embodied Relational Therapy is a training I undertook from 2014 to 2016 on a retreat basis. I spent regular intervals of time with Peers and Facilitators in a “lived in” format, where over time, internalised challenges emerge into the “ safe space” of the “Grange”, where we co-created a fresh rhythm for a few days! This can have some comparative qualities with bank holidays or holy days depending on your secular or spiritual inclinations. Couples, Families, Social events, Community projects and Charity events all bring us “ up against ourselves and the other in relatedness! “A relaxed aware bodymind is the conductor of creativity”- Mark Walsh “ “Small children and animals know your mood before you do”- Wendy Palmer Www.integrationtraining.co.uk If we are in a Soul relationship- for moments, days, weeks or longer term, we get to intuit when to bring different aspects of self to the relationship! So far this vocation many aspects of self have been present in our home! What arises!

15 December 2017

Vitality - A vital spark initiates your life. That spark stays with you until it fades away at Life’s end. Your job is to use that spark of vitality to make your life fabulous. Here is a quote about the vitality of the human spirit. “You cannot beat a river into submission. You have to surrender to its current and use its power as your own” Reel Life WISDOM/ Doctor Strange. Today, travelling to work, I turned on the Radio! A guest on a well- known show was talking about human moments. If I reflect, I can trawl up moments of joy, sadness, love, and loneliness! Whatever hopes and dreams are held in our heats, the only moment which can be gauranteed is NOW! The moment after reading this sentence is a new one! Tell those you love that this is the case; as significant loved ones can be “snatched away” by an accident, illness, divorce or death! If we face “mortality with humility”; we can re-prioritise our lives; and live each day as if it were the last chapter of our book. So Breathe!

9 December 2017

“I will honour Christmas in my own heart and try to keep it all the year. I shall live in the Past, the Present and the Future. The spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!” Charles Dickens- A Christmas Carol Today, 18/12/17, as I was finalising Xmas shopping, the hustle and bustle seemed fake to me! Is it my grief, have I turned from a generous girl to a crotchety crone? I sat with myself over a brew, and silently inquired into my inner world, I decided to rekindle compassion for my sensitive self. And to put down the cruel blade of criticism against my bleeding heart! I will take the tenderness, intuitive knowing that I offer others and give myself the same regard. Ultimately who else can! I will delve into the source of my sadness which makes me feel lonely in a crowded town. I will follow my own heart, inner soul prompts, instead of chasing what I perceive makes another person happy! “ I am not my feelings, I am essence”.

30 November 2017

A reflection from my peers after my prototype Playshop was heart-warming: “ Came away with some fond memories, some insights from the teaching, and would like to know more”. “Unexpectedly, I learned more than I expected to, and had a positive experience of art, which helped heal a school based comment”. “The session was organic and flowed throughout the morning” Anon. My reflection of the day was a great deal of ease as the facilitator, and my only challenge was the amount of content created, which needed editing! Yet, on reflection, I have “Always generated a PhD portfolio for an A level syllabus “ Sue Bayley My aim was met, as I witnessed my delegates become playful, curious, and comparative “. They travelled by being Self-aware, More confident in their capacity to express, and to share their outpourings with their peers! They began to sense alchemy and benefits for self and other! I experienced the pleasure of creating a circle; defining the intent, holding space and guiding.
THE OTHER by R. S. Thomas “There are nights that are so still that I can hear the small owl calling far off, and a fox barking miles away. It is then that I lie in the lean hours awake listening to the swell born somewhere in the Atlantic; rising and falling, rising and falling, wave on wave on the long shore by the village, that is without light and companion less. And the thought comes of that other being who is awake too. Letting our prayers break on him, not like this for a few hours but for eternity.” Life can be bittersweet! And change so much in a moment. This month has been full of “such moments “. For example: Transition of two significant family members “ into the light”. First somatic and creative Playshop for therapists and their “inner children”. First day of marriage for two beloved friends. First day of my realisation that Family dynamics never cease to amaze or astound me ! What moment can you recall ? Reflect on thoughts; Sit with your heart and somatic sense.
“In my own philanthropy and business endeavours, I have seen the critical role that ARTS play in stimulating creativity and in developing vital communities... The ARTS have crucial impact on our economy and are an IMPORTANT catalyst for learning discovery and achievement in our country. www.performingartsconvention.org/advocacy I had the privilege to work with a young client who managed his anxiety around his school attendance; by identifying and participating in his local drama club. He realised that the social, relational, and artistic benefits at the age of 14! He sensed the safe and inclusive aspects of that space. Wow: Even though it was 12 years ago, he enthused me to explore my own creativity and set me on a journey to reclaim my inner teenager! Now 12 years on, my creative currency exists as an Interfaith minister; a somatic facilitator, and an intuitive artist! By bringing more creativity into my life, I witness an ability to thrive as opposed to survive & serenity!
“ I am bound to them, though I cannot look into their eyes or hear their voices. I honour their history. I cherish their lives. I will tell their story. I will remember them! Erin Walker. When I recall great grannie talking about the Jacobite Uprisings, my heart goes out to the McDonalds and clansmen who were massacred. Myths and stories exist in every family, so 10 years ago, I went to Glencoe to see the landscape, sense the energies there, and to get my own “gut reaction“. My body invited me to enquire further and I gave my personal details to a local author, who traced my ancestors back to the 13th century! I learned about “Eileen_Mundo where they bury bodies from three ancient clans, the tapering Celtic stone cross, and the serene mountains by the River Coe. My next stop was Culloden, where headstones of fallen soldiers scattered the moor. I sang to souls, dis-Embodied by the religious civil war of 1745! I raged at the betrayal so I never forget! R.I.P. Warriors of War. HU.

20 November 2017

Coaxed out of my comfort zone when an author and dear friend asked if I ever drew animals, “no” , I replied, I cannot draw from looking at an object! Why not, I thought after I had put down the phone! I began by researching images from Native American art, and other media! The first attempt was so “out of whack”, that tears of frustration filled my eyes! I went to bed sad and self-critical. Further attempts to replicate images failed as my outer and inner eye couldn’t hold the information in my brain, longer enough for me to transfer it to canvass. This has always been true! Then I recalled a childhood technique of writing in the air before applying pen to paper- much to my delight this worked for me, as I was using a somatic approach. My body and mind collaborated and the image flowed. “It wasn't a kiss that changed the frog, but the fact that a young girl looked beneath warts and slime and believed she saw a prince. So he became one.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich

4 November 2017

Yesterday I heard a specific Soul speak to me! It was the first time I had heard the nuance of it’s sound! Today as I reflect, and search media resources for a quote on “Soul”- this is what shows up! “REMEMBERING THAT OTHERS ARE SOUL TOO”. “ Love is a graceful thing, whenever we think we’re absolutely right about something, we’re probably not. And if we have a little divine goodness in us, maybe instead of being so sure and insisting upon our way, our viewpoint, we’ll remember that the other we are dealing with at this moment is also Soul, a divine apart of God”. How the inner master works! Sri Harold Klemp A great reflection for us here, grappling with the challenges of daily life! This reminds me of the spiritual guidance my Great Grannie gave me as a child, about allowing your home to a refuge for yourself and your loved ones, and a sanctuary for family and friends, where the kettle is always ready for a cuppa and hospitality!

2 November 2017

A poem that responded to a question or inquiry? I have a quandry.. 3 generations, their remains lain in a hole. They are not there, Gone is their soul. Traditions re-trenched; Soil is all drenched; And many a fist or heart clenched.. As we honour ancestors, whose ashes together was their goal. Sue Bayley This short expression fell onto the page in a matter of minutes! If birthed onto the page with ease! As I reflect on these words, it makes me consider different ways death, loss, grief are handled in our society and other kinships globally!

8 October 2017

Eighteen months ago, I was woken up at 6:00 am on a Sunday morning! My muse wanted to be creative and wouldn’t allow slumber until I had made a brew and allowed her to speak! I found myself meeting demands by scribbling on any media possible! paper, card, newspaper or by talking into notes on my phone! She wanted me to recall how a “small pink pig” housing a hot water bottle helped me to retain my sanity after stressful events! I could place hot water into her rubber housing, and wrap the bottle into its “creature casing” . This gave me an object to hold, hug, cry and rage with, and to aid my anxious inner child, and wilful teen who lived in my psychic space! “The soul fortunately has an interpreter often unconscious but still a faithful interpreter in the eye”. The biggest wall you have to climb is the one you build in your mind. Never let your mind talk you out of your dreams, trick you into giving up; never let your mind be the greatest obstacle to success. C. Bronte / J. Eyre
“I pause for a moment, aware that God is here”. “I think of how everything around me, the air I breathe, my whole body tingles with the presence of God” “If someone asked me to give them another word for God, you could use the word presence “.”For that is what God is”. “When Moses asked Yahweh his name, Yahweh replied: I am who I am and this means I am present”. Source: From finding God in all things by Brian Grogan SJ / Sacred Space app. The word “present” is associated to December as a seasonal time of year. My research showed me that Christmas is but one celebration in this month: others include Chanukah; Winter solstice, Omisoka, Bodhi day, Children’s day and secular celebrations. Each family has their own “ right way” of “doing Xmas, “. how about “ Being Xmas” so that there are more moments of joy, connection, play, love, gratitude, gastronomic bliss, preparations for the winter, and less moments of loneliness, hunger, homelessness, fear, poverty, and debt. Nameste dear ones.
YOU ARE THE YOU ARE RUNNING From: “Winning the Mental Battle “ “Running is nothing more than a series of arguments between the part of your brain that wants to stop and the part of your brain that wants to keep going” -Unknown The topic of this post, is Seeking and Searching! I guess that over the last 12 years especially; I have been gathering knowledge, skills and experiences, to validate my existence, and so that I felt relevant, ok, worthwhile and able to exist in this world of form. When I realised that for many years, I hadn’t fully landed in my body, and had always preferred the ethereal, the formless and the boundary-less; I perceived this was the way to be free! No; To be free, I needed to do the ‘inner work’, to ground myself within my body, and to be fully present moment by moment! I was successful by the same degree as I found great teachers and followed guidance to amend habitual patterns! In this seeking, I found myself, the One I had been running from! ++++
How interesting that one inner shift can make such a difference! Making a choice to listen to my own wisdom as opposed to that of many others- helped me reduce my “aimless antics”. I took Careers advice in my 30’s and learned that my natural traits were “ helper” and “creative”. Taking a perceived risk, I pre-selected jobs, voluntary work and hobbies, to shift my profile to one that “ fitted me”. As an experiment, I challenged the spiritual values of my youth, and went on internal combat with my prejudices and judgements! A more serene self emerged, one that was more tolerant and tender. Further experiences led to embracing relatedness, somatic and artistic awareness! Resurrecting real reactions is risky, and authentic actions can be “toned down” by others for whom you are “too much”. Yet form and freedom are “ boundaries “, which for the brave can stretch! We must re-member our reason for being here! The one we re-identify with as our lives unfold. Let the Legacy linger here now.
«Your beliefs become your thoughts “. The truth is that everyone is bored and devotes himself to cultivating habits”. “I insist on a lot of time being spent almost every day, to just sit and think “ “ A man who cannot bear to share his habits is a man who needs to quit them”. Quotes about Habits: www. goodreads.com Mmm, that touched a nerve for me, remembering the teenage and early adult nights of indulgence! Now, I tend to be more able to monitor my impulses on a “good day”, yet as a human being can relapse. Habits can lead us to transformation of our human selves or take us on a path of self destruction into addictions and self harm! We only need to look st the world in which we live to find our own examples! Some to close to home, If we were honest! How to these scenarios arise? .... Didn’t want to miss out. .... Didn’t know how to say NO. ..... Wanted to be different! How do we use our voices within our own circles of influence? How can we look out for habitual trends ?
“If we can be willing and patient, life will work it’s magic on us. Little by little, all that is not compassion will be stripped away, burned away from us. The pain and suffering of holding onto our beliefs and fears will become so great that we will let go. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU- CHERI HUBER This quote sums up my life, wilful, tenacious yet at times when I have “let go and let God”, I have felt a serenity and spaciousness beyond words. This quote may feel comfortable or challenging! My training as an Interfaith minister and Spiritual counsellor taught me this, and until I surrendered, Ordination would be beyond my reach! I let go and allowed the Grace to choose! And I graduated in summer 2006! This learning aided me in my training to be an Embodied Relational Therapist- I didn’t see peers who acting as clients, as “ bad or sad, just brought my presence to the intervention and allowed answers to emerge from the connection! And let conditioning fall away!
Now turn inward. Close your eyes. “I am glad I am “me” “I am content with myself...” and breathe in... and breathe out... Colour Breathing -Alison Bourne When I was small I was fearful and I suffered from “Separation Anxiety “! I frequently needed re-assurance that Great Grannie would be around forever, as both my parents were absent in my life! Then one day Great Grannie was so ill that I was whisked away to unknown distant relatives in South London and my world collapsed! The consequences were that I was hospitalised and placed in an oxygen tent! And now I cannot bear masks or anything that reminds me of this school year! One redeeming feature was their Golden Retriever dog called Kim, who met me at the door after school, rolled over onto her side, and allowed me to lie with my head on her tummy, sharing the joys and woes of that day! Her spirit was to re-assure me many times in my teens and adult years! Bless her, wherever she may be! Au revoir dear one - Namaste -
Grateful “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow” Melody Beattie As an emerging elder myself, I have heartfelt gratitude for my ancestors, especially my Great Grandma! At age 73, she was my mother’s emergency midwife and my doula! She was grateful for my presence in her life, yet as a child and teen, I didn’t always show my love and gratitude, often, yes! She was a great “Mother” archetype who would spend hours holding me through trauma of being different, not only by my circumstances, but because of my undiagnosed autism! She would bear with my “exquisite sensitivities, any time of day or night, and sometimes after a night of night terrors, she would be in a chair, or curled up beside me, like a faithful dog! She had her faults as she was over protective and this had consequences in my teenage years! A sense of her is with me often, when I walk in a National Trust property and smell familiar fragrances of her favourite flowers!

25 August 2017

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however is disagreeable and therefore not popular “. - C.G. Jung Playshops exist for individuals who influence our inner children and teenagers who hide in our psyche. Play and creativity can bring hidden aspects of Self into our consciousness! Many adults have amnesia with regards to their past, and frightened children, bullied teens, and anxious adults remain in the shadows. How can Elders model maturity, yet hold spacious awareness with regards to behaviour of themselves and others. As by denying any part of themselves, they reduce their capacity to see the world fully. Kindergarten-for-the-Soul is a phrase I use often. And like many spirit led ideas, it is difficult to define! As soon as I think I have defined it, I notice that shift happens and the definition doesn’t work. In essence follow your own soul prompts, and give yourself permission to be
“The Human Mind always makes progress, but it is a progress made in Spirals” - Madame de Stael New Year is one time - reflection occurs, it is in the “ Zeitgeist “! As I sit here - a few days into 2018, I note how my “Search for aspects of myself” has taken me to numerous destinations! Here are a two examples. Georgia, a small country which forms a cross section between Europe and Asia- I went to support a village project and learn to sing their native Polyphony singing, which is a cultural tradition! In addition, I faced my fears Hill-walking in the mountain villages and learned about inclusive communities. France- on retreat in a small village eqi-distant from Nimes and Montpellier! Here I explored my community ministry and painted, played with clay and went to the hills where the “The Saints-Baume” [Holy Cave] is found. The Shrine Of Saint Mary Magdalene hails here and is worth the climb uphill- Here I birthed a character: “Sioux Chem”, who mines true Soul gifts and purpose.

4 July 2017

“Often your first experiences of learning and play, can have bittersweet memories “. Conditioning from parents, teachers and peers can terminate the desire to learn, and reduce self esteem, and decisions to trust self and others “. “Free up your inner child, by re-learning old habits, through play, and re-activate creativity, passion and joy”. “ Re-member your self, before self- sabotage sets in.. let your soul guide your doing and being”. Sue Bayley- April 2015 Have you ever looked up to the sky and seen “pictures “, or seen “ a face in the bark of a tree?” Sometimes the inner eye sees more than our outer eyes! 12 years ago professionals began to mention the “spontaneity of my art”, blissfully unaware and misunderstanding their compliment at the time. Now as the image shows, I am influenced by intuitive art, and am learning under the guidance of Amber K.B. and Shiloh S. This hidden gem like gemstones in the crust of the earth, bring beauty and colour to my life. Explore now!
“I have come to the conclusion that Human Beings are born with the innate capacity to triumph over trauma. I believe not only that trauma is curable; but that the healing process can be a catalyst for profound awakening, a portal opening to emotional and genuine spiritual transformation. I have little doubt that as individuals, families, communities and even nations, we have the capacity to learn how to deal and prevent much damage done by trauma. in doing so we will significantly increase our ability to achieve both our individual and collective dreams. Peter Levine- Healing Trauma How a retriever helped me to cope with loneliness and separation! Reflecting by an open fire, I recall another source of comfort! In year 6 of primary school, I was estranged through illness from my beloved g.grandma! I found myself 200 miles away, in a new school for a whole year! At the end of the day “KIM” would greet me and roll over, so I could snuggle into her! Her breathing was nurturing and warm.
“ Depression in Teens can look very different from depression in adults. The following symptoms are more common in teenagers than their adult counterparts: irritable or angry mood. As noted irritability rather than sadness is the predominant mood in depressed teenagers”. Https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/parents-guide-to-teen-depression-HTM Earlier today, a comment by a peer, catapulted me back to my teenage self! From age 12 onwards I became envious of dancers and athletes who were slim, svelte and fat less! WHY, because even at my most elegant and energetic period, I always “had a tum and flesh”! At 17, I recall dropping 2.5 stones in 20 weeks and the only outcome was that I stopped menstruation! This had a huge impact on my physical and psychological well-being- and my self esteem plummeted! On reflection, when I look at old photos, it was my dissatisfaction which was the error, and my inner critic was mirrored back to me! So I sought self love,respect and value.

3 July 2017

“Any artist should be grateful for a naive grace which puts him beyond the need to reason elaborately “. Saul Bellow Recently I showed a dear friend some of my paintings! Her reaction: they are intuitive, honest and naive. Curious, I delved beyond the usual definition of naive: And found a form of art known as “Naive Art” Initially my ego screamed “ oh no, not another “childlike not childish “ statement! Then my wiser muse said: Check it out first! I learned about: Naive art by Lowry, Abstract art ie.not figurative; Impressionists who capture a moment in time; Favists with great use of colour and texture; and representational artists, who paint an object on canvas! This mini excursion enabled me to realise that my art is abstract and takes a snapshot of my internal energy of the moment, which some viewers can resonate with! And sometimes my expression highlights a premonition from the future! Or a new insight on the past, from memories and ancestors! May this emerging expression Be

16 September 2007

Listening to a "Red Talk" recently, these words impacted on me: “Your internal reality is reflected in life”; and “Unconscious reality can become conscious and burst forth into form”- Shiloh Sophia; And in Tea with The Midnight Muse : “DEEP LISTENING : What is your soul trying to communicate to you . Our soul is always trying to get us to listen”. “When we don’t, it may go dormant for a while, or seem to, but it will emerge and it might not be as gentle next time, as you Soul will use any means possible to get your attention to wake up”. This mirrors my own experience, as soul came through my pen in the form of “myinnertribe.me” These aspects of self became explicit on the page: Miriam Mist; Little Willow; Sioux Shem; Phoenix Poppy; Nina Nameste; Terrified Tina; Trusting Tara; Near Miss Molly; Maud Money; Bea Babe; Advocating Annie; Nurturing Nora and Self respecting Sally. My intention is to bring more clarity to these characters in another offering; meanwhile what awakens 4U?