Sometimes I miss home so much it aches
Sometimes I want to have more this, more that and it's super frustrating for me
But no matter what circumstances I have I hope I this experience makes me more aware of how good God is, makes me humble and committed to serve others instead of me, which this experience had made me realise I'm pretty childish, selfish n fickle. He's always speaking to me asking me if I've ever been without anything that I ever needed (nope!), hearing my prayers, going before me, whispering to serve him and he'll take care of the rest, to seek his kingdom first and stop worrying! He's been showing me how much I live for the approval of others often out of fear, how it drives me and affects all my interactions with others and at the same time unravelling my true motivation for everything I do. He confronts me with the need to be cool and have status in society but reminds me following him is not always going to be "cool" or easy, or warrant being in the in crowd.
Part two. But I am his child and my identity is in Him and Im approved of and loved by him regardless of what I 'do'. I hope I am willing to learn what ever it is God really wants to teach me and I'll be soft enough to receive it instead of pushin my own selfish agendas - it's funny when things don't always go how you want them I guess God uses everything to sift out the dirt for gold and shapes you how he wants you to be and is very gracious and gentle in the process. Before I came here I really strongly sensed God wanted to challenge me, lead me in a new direction and open my eyes to some big things I could never dream about if only I would trust him-that he was birthing something new and it would be scary but to step out. I can't say that everything that's happens has been what I wanted but I really have learned to trust God in a whole new way and I think I'll never see the world the same, he has indeed taken me on a whole new adventure where he's opening my eyes in many ways and
and making me hungrier every day for his soul satisfying way of living and loving.creating an eager itch to serve others instead of a selfish self glory filled life I tend to lean towards. Honestly he's brought to light my fear of this and my desire to run away when things get tough. Thank Goodness God knows what he's doing and uses my messes- he makes everything beautiful and works what might be intended for evil for good.
28 February 2018
Friends//God gives me everything I need and looking back at how hard it was Sometimes man God really does bless me so much with EVERYTHING I need and it's beautiful and when I pray lord let me bless someone else and not just me man it's fun to see what he does! God is so so kind of there's one thing I've learnt it how good my God is!! And man does he know me :)!! Thanks Lord!!! Praise you Jesus
- I have met so many different kinds of friends and people and each one has been a special lil spark- Hana is wise and deep and thoughtful and so hospitable and cool, Suzuka is fun and sweet and open minded and loves NZ, Judith is zany and absolutely hilarious but loves God so much, Sangjin is quirky and fun and kind nd outgoing, Sarah is such a blessing nd gentle nd thoughtful nd lovely n funny, I've met Sena too and just met an awesome new English student her name is Narumi nd she randomly or not randomly Is a Christian too who loves God and I coming out of her shell. What a bunch!!
Just some random snaps of recent life, Kazuma and his creations before they may go to the trash haha. Komozawa park on beautiful warm spring days and blossoms everywhere- I am beyond ready and excited for spring ! Bring it on can't wait to exercise and walk and run and bike and eat better lol been feeling so tired and u healthy and a little mopey sick n sad some winter days but bring on the joy and health and activity
23 February 2018
Walks home when I feel ON TOP OF THE WORLD! Haha
Karaoke bro n dinner
Karaoke with new friends! Went to a church organised dinner connect group and then we went to karaoke after! Definitely a memory highlight from Tokyo!! Such cool people, we all went hard and performed and it was hilarious! There was all you can eat dessert and I met Judith who I maxing from NZ - awesome new friend! Excitement :) thank you Jesus!!
My awesome kiddies! They love biking and scootering outside now that it's a bit warmer and they have a blast ! Too cute
22 February 2018
Suzuka who I met from bumble BFF who is awesome and wants to come back to NZ
real sweet heart
We have had some fun as times together already
Eating is our fav thing to do lol
Here we are at shino kubo Korea town! Eating the BEST FOOD ! YUMYUM
And lastly mean my Ikuto on the playground his favourite! I push him on the swing really hard and hold him up then do a sudden drop he calls it the big hug "charlotte do the big hug" haha so cute :)
20 February 2018
Harajuku! (Beautiful earring shop) My new fav place to explore! Eddys ice cream shop, me and Suzuka getting purikura in shibuya after we went to outback and Ikuto being a daring dave on the swing! He nearly fell off doing that haha lucky I caught him haha
16 February 2018
12 February 2018
Sick mirrors n star bucks at omotesando
Lovely senna took me here and showed me around! She's so kind and lovely! Sena is from church what a cool chick!
11 February 2018
Moody roppongi where church is SUNDAZE
10 February 2018
Otooya japanese cheap but yummy restaurant by myself! But I've learned to dine by myself sometimes allgoods
The cutest lil bumblebee Ikuto
3 January 2018
Adventures by myself and New Years
1 January 2018
Still miss everyone back in chch so much and cry all the time just try stay busy but can't wait to go back n hang and chat normally
31 December 2017
Fairy lights. Harajuku d.lee. Kids cuties
29 December 2017
28 December 2017
18 December 2017
Braving dat wilderness
Standing against the crowd and belonging to yourself/God.
Feeling thankful for beautiful friends
Maya Angelou- I like maya a lot I am very concerned about her and how she's doing.
Kinda wanna go back to where I am more free e.g flatting, studying to teach, meeting people, working with people, amongst deep people with strong values of loving others, growing, grace, generosity, intelligence! Good friends. Fresh air. Family. What frustrated me then and now?
Can I have that much freedom and ownership here? But I also wanted to stretch myself and experience life in another country! I know that I want to challenge myself to an extent.
Can I achieve what I want to achieve here? Am I wasting Time pleasing people here, or am I actually doing what I want to? What is the goal of being here or what are the goals
17 December 2017
✨👌🏾Christmas lights roppongi with church people- Hannah and Josiah are awesome - and making gingerbread men with Ikuto and Kazuma
16 December 2017
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength - Philippians 4:13. All things!
Mother freaking God given amazing strength! Shameless, full of power, hope, peace, never stand alone, full of purpose, unafraid to stand out, humble when's it's hard, meek when it's difficult, sweet surrendered, arms wide, stepping in to the unknown, full of gratitude, persevering, dignified, deep joy, proud of your actions, dreaming of the future, shoulders back, walking tall- alive with eyes wide open, Holy Spirit living in you, supernatural, believing, excited with anticipation kind of STRENGTH!!! God is so good. Thank you Jesus :) ❤️ cannot do anything apart from God
All of those things and I know from the bottom of my heart that he has proven faithful and is good then why wouldn't he be there for me now!? He turns bad into good joy for mourning. Beauty for ashes. I am so privileged and blessed - I don't deserve nothing but he gives me so much!!! If I need some friends then all I have to do is ASK and he will provide! If I need joy all I need to do is ask! If I need hope and healing and peace and favour all I need to do is ask and he knows before I even say a word. I just need to trust my awesome God regardless of how I feel and tell him how I'm actually going.
So I felt so lonely and so sad- every day just so alone but last night I spent time with God and journal trying to process what I've been thinking. And man I just realised like this is. Crazy thing I'm doing but I think it really will give me a new sense of the world of my own strength and of Gods strength - yes I have no friends but I have an awesome God who had come through for me time and time again and I personally know exactly what it is like to need something, to be sad, to be lonely, to be broken. To be in a mess, to make stupid decisions and ask God help me Lord, I've made a terrible mess and guess what? He shows up x 20000000 - he is gracious and forgiving and kind and insanely generous! He knows exactly what I need and sometimes Ive gotta wait but that at makes it all the more juicy And heart all the more full of awe and gratitude when my loving Heavenly Father provides exactly what he knows I needed, not what I thought I wanted. Anyways if he can do... tbc
Amazing day! Yesterday and this week I been feeling terrible so lonely but today was so amazing ! I went to mori art museum and The sky view deck and it was THE BOMB! Actual breath taking around every corner I was like jumping for joy!!
13 December 2017
Some snaps of me in my natural habitat and stuff at their house chilling enjoy my modelling pics and cheesy selfies. I guess being overseas or doing something crazy by yo self is actually quite a normal, common thing to do- and you kind of see what your made of- like wether you're into the whole by yourself lifestyle or you're better off with ya homies/ travel vs chch. I dunno it's still only been one month I think- but there are a few tricky things, some things I'm getting better at: 1. Language barrier 2.working lifestyle balance with this strict family 3. Being so alone and knowing like nada all people. I miss everyone so much sometimes I just feel kinda permanently sad and v lonely. I wanna go out at night or anywhere but I also actually have no one to go with!? Haha. I just want my mates here or be able to speak fluent Japanese so I can actually do stuff by myself e.g order food, go to the movies, talk to people. I guess it'll get better- it BETTER! Haha need to strategise
10 December 2017
A thought a day:
Life is not much without friends
Sometimes ya gotta step out when ya by yourself but imagine you are backed by yo army of friends n fam -and that really I do nothing alone I do it all with the amaze balls support of my beloveds and the encouragement and training and lessons from my amazing clique!
I love New Zealand because I think: what the most important thing is to people, is, other people. And the Māori proverb: "he aha te mea nui o te Ao? He tangata he tangata he tangata" is so accurate and actually I'm discovering not everyone lives like that- work is the most important, social pressures are the most important.. but to me people should be, people, God and the environment. Missing people like crazy- my heart aches like I'm breaking up with everyone and even tho I'm having fun I sporadically have to stop myself from crying all the time. The end xx
9 December 2017
They sent me to do Christmas decoration shopping and I made this Pom Pom bunting for them haha lols - can't claim the styling of it though but yeah so cute